April 14, 2020 Kelly Foster

I Left My Career to be a Full Time Caregiver

It’s been six months since I walked away from my career to be a caregiver. I’d worked all through Brian’s ALS diagnosis and disease progression. For seven years I held it all together. I thought I could continue to do so and didn’t anticipate actually having to leave my job. It seemed as though I would be able to keep things going yet as life often does, it had a different path in mind.


A patient like Brian requires skilled nursing care due to his trach. Care is extremely expensive. Not only that but it can be a challenge to find quality care. I’d crunched the numbers over and over I could see no other option than to stay home to care for Brian. I’d worked for the same company for 15 years, often working 60 and 80 hour weeks at the peak of my career. Though a corporate career comes with its own set of challenges, I was loyal, driven, and did well within my company. Not only that but I’d made many genuine friends there along the way, and I enjoyed seeing them each day. I worked hard and had fun. Though it became increasingly more difficult over time, working outside the home was a break from caregiving and helped me keep a sense of normalcy.

The decision to actually leave was extremely hard. I’d spent countless hours considering all options. My company changed insurance plans and we no longer had private duty nursing covered. That benefit alone under our old plan was equivalent to $24,000 out of our pockets each year. We’d already paid close to $20,000 for home care in just a few months and I couldn’t see us continuing down that path.

Without that benefit it was going to cost almost as much to care for Brian as I made in a year. I made calls, surfed the net, joined groups, researched, I tried everything I could think of but in the end I left my career to be a full time caregiver. That meant taking a gamble with our savings and taking some financial risks. Sadly, this is a typical story when it comes to a disease like ALS. But I’ll vent about that later.


Slowly but surely we started to find a routine that worked. I use the word routine loosely. It was more of Brian and I both finding a routine. Sleep is a big challenge for me. I love my sleep and always have. I was a napper for years. When Brian’s parents were here they would take the night shift and let me sleep. That was a huge help. With them gone it meant I had the night shift too. I won’t lie. It was a real struggle at first.

Brian is in constant need, whether it’s day or night. He likes to stay up much later than I do. I usually go to bed around midnight or 1:00 am. Brian’s a night owl, always has been. He likes to stay up and work on his art while the rest of the world is sleeping so he’ll work until 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning a lot of times. He wakes me hourly to ask for stretching or suction or whatever.

I get up and help him, make sure he’s okay then drift off back to sleep for another hour or so. He’s often in and out of sleep during the night as well. It all just depends on the day but that’s become our typical routine. He wakes me hourly until about 4:00 or so. We both typically sleep quietly until 6:00 or 7:00 which is when I try to get up. Brian will usually sleep at least two more hours.


And then there are days where caregiving outweighs business needs. Most of the time I accept it and go with the flow, yet some days I’m super focused on what I’m doing and get annoyed about having to get up 50 times that day to tend to Brian. (Now that I’m thinking about it I’m going to write about “A Day in the Life” soon.) I can’t help it and try not to seem bothered. Overall he is so chill and doesn’t demand a lot. We both do our thing and enjoy being in the same space together. We ‘talk’, and laugh, and cry together. Some days are hell and that’s just how it is. I do know one thing. I am beyond grateful to be able to be here with Brian.

As a caregiver to other caregivers, this is something to really think about. The cost of care is already so high, and when you add the ventilator it becomes extremely challenging. At some point the cost of care is as much, or more, as your annual salary so working becomes an issue. I’ve read about many caregivers who have had to leave their jobs to provide care. My advice is to consider this early on and try to at least envision a future where you become a stay at home caregiver.

I don’t know that I would have left my job if things had been different. If my insurance had stayed the same I’m guessing we would have hobbled along and walked a different path. But this is where we are and I’m so glad I did it. Not everyone would have that option and I know that. I am beyond grateful for it.


I’m so happy to be here. It’s also a very heavy weight seeing the suffering day in and day out. It’s a lot of work and that’s something to think about as well. This level of caregiving is not for everyone. I’m sure as hell not perfect and some days I don’t shine my brightest but there’s nowhere I’d rather be.

Thanks for coming along.

Jen Parker

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